ACTOR Gerard Depardieu is to be granted citizenship of the Moon after he was told it really was made of cheese.
The Hollywood star, whose criticallyacclaimed body of work includes Asterix And Obelix, Glenn The Flying Robot and 102 Dalmatians, became a Russian citizen last week after a row in his native France over taxes – mainly VAT on pies. But after an awkward meeting with Russian president Vladimir Putin in Moscow, he has decided he would prefer to go for the lunar option.
People who attended the function where the actor met Putin say he approached the President and said: “Hi, I’m one of you now.” To which the President is said to have replied: “What? A rogue dictator using the thin veil of a sham democracy to carry out old Soviet-style practices such as espionage and assassination of political enemies?”
Depardieu is said to have then looked confused before eating another tray of canapés in one. A spokesman for the actor said: “Gerard still firmly believes that the NASA moon missions never took place and believes lunar rock allegedly brought back to earth was also fake – a ruse to try to stop people thinking it was made of cheese. “But he is French. He knows a lump of cheese when he sees it, even from 385,000 miles away. They can’t fool him, you know.”
He added that there was the added bonus on the Moon that the actor could “have a piss anywhere he liked”. A spokesman for Vladimir Putin said: “I wouldn’t have the fish if I were you.” The gastronome and general bon viveur (that’s French for boring twat who stinks of after he got fed up with the moon, he would like his next nationality to be an eskimo because he heard they ate whales.