Ratings take a dive

AN ITV spokesman denied reports that he is to make future episodes of Tom Daley’s new dive show Splash! more interesting by pulling the plug and emptying the pool before the programme starts. The spokesman said: “I know the prospect of seeing Joey Essex dive from the 10 metre board onto the dry concrete floor of the pool is appealing, but we have no plans to change the format. “For the time being, it’s all about famous people toppling into water. To be honest, it sounded better when they pitched it to us.”