THE Football Association has imposed a number of restrictions on Liverpool striker Luis Suarez every time he plays in future.
The Uruguay international must appear in a specially adapted red straitjacket so he cannot move his arms at all during a game. And he must also wear a Weebles body suit so he can wobble but he can’t fall down. In addition, he must wear a gag across his mouth in order that he cannot communicate with opposition players in a “Uruguayan way”. Suarez will also be blindfolded so he doesn’t give anyone that “Hey, gringo” look. An FA spokesman said: “We have stopped short of forcing him to wear a bag on his head even though he is so f***ing ugly, but we think these measures will show that we are determined to clean up the game and make sure he doesn’t get up to his old tricks in the future.” A spokesman for Liverpool FC said: “If they chopped his head and legs off he’d still score more in a season than Torres.”