USA: We must act – so let’s have more guns!

IN a bid to stop massacres like the Sandy Hook school shootings ever happening again, the U.S. Government will make the ownership of AK47s compulsory for children aged four and over. A spokesman for the Republican Party said: “It’s the only sensible option. We can’t change the constitution because the people with the biggest guns at home won’t allow it, so the only way out is to tool up in the classroom. “Then maniacs might think twice before going on one of their sprees. But they probably won’t. Still, we’ll have been seen to be doing something!”. An NRA spokesman, speaking by videolink from his Utah bedroom surrounded by his collection of automatic weapons, RPGs and surface-to-air missiles, said: “We don’t want to shoot every person who disagrees with us dead, but if they keep on trying for gun control, we’ll have no choice. It’s our right under the 48th amendment of the constitution – which clearly states ‘Thou canst off any twat who disagrees with thee’.”